Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
