Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
