Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
