Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
