Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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