soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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