Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
