Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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