I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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