went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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