pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
