How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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