It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
