so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
