I wish my penis had an off switch
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
