wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
