Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
