she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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