im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
