At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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