"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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