hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
