And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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