Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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