508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
