do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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