They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
