her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
