I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we made out on top of his cat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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