so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
