Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
