Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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