how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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