Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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