Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
