she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
