Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
