I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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