On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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