Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
