At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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