Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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