i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im holly from the hills drunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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