great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
