i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
