mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize