You're completely useless in the revolution.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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