a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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