FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
