I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
