So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sorry about my life...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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