R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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