I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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