there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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