Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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