from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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