I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she looked like the before picture.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
