dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
