After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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