I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
