I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
