my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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