You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
