the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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