so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
