I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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