Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
