The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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