just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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