Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Soap is not a condiment
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize