I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
