so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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