I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
