i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
