Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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