I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
