I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
