haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
