oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
