I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
