I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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