you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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