He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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