Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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