Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
