I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
