I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
