Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
