there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
