You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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