Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
