Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
