"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
