He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
