So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
