She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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