Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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