btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
